We all want our children to grow up clearly knowing the difference between right and wrong, and understanding the importance of treating everybody fairly. Developing a sense of justice and ethics is part of the process of growing up, but it isn’t innate. This is why it’s so important for parents to start to instill a sense of tolerance in their children as early as possible. But how do you approach concepts like “good” and “bad” when dealing with young children? Here are a few suggestions.
Intolerance of others is most commonly bred amongst the people who live sheltered lives and never come into contact with those who are different from them. Kids displaces from their homes and school routines following the Ejipura demolitions in January 2013. Pic: Sindhuja P.
Lead by example
A child’s best teachers of tolerance are their parents. Children don’t just pick up what you tell them – they observe your behaviour and actions, absorbing the lessons they see from the standard you set. Even the bits you wish they hadn’t seen! Because child development starts in the home, it is crucial that you always lead by example when it comes to moral matters. Think about the behaviour you want installed in your children – then hold yourself up to that standard.
When you carry out an action that is based upon your principles, communicating this to your children will help them understand your behaviour and learn to equate certain actions with particular moral standards.
Expose children to people who are different
Intolerance of others is most commonly bred amongst the people who live sheltered lives and never come into contact with those who are different from them. The more your children see and interact with people from different backgrounds, the less unusual they will view them.
Promoting tolerance does not mean pretending that a person’s differences do not exist. Instead, acknowledge to your children that the individual is different from them (in terms of race, wealth, physical mobility, etc.), but emphasize the fact that this does not make them any less equal to them.
Give your children a set of written guidelines
Think about hanging a set of written rules in the living room or child’s bedroom as a way of enforcing the principles of fairness. When discussing appropriate behaviour, it’s easier to refer your children back to a concrete set of rules (e.g. “Treat others as you would like to be treated.”), rather than reissuing an abstract set of verbal warnings.
When you first introduce these written rules, go through the individual points with your kids, making sure they understand what each of the statements mean.
Discuss stories or real-life events
Children’s stories are a good source of discussion points, as are events that happen in real life. If you read books as a family, talk about what is happening in the story as you read. Keep an eye out for examples of intolerance and tolerance.
Look for moral dilemmas in everyday life to talk about with your children. Concrete examples might help the messages and concepts stick clearer. Be careful if you decide to use individuals close to the family as case studies, though! Children are very adept at passing on information without filtering.
Talk about the consequences of actions on other people
Promoting tolerance is often complicated. The immediate consequences of a particular action on other people are hard for young children to understand. Their sense of empathy takes some time to develop. Encourage your kids to think about actions as they relate to others. How will somebody feel if they are called names or treated badly?
Teaching tolerance is a slow process, but an important one. Being patient, consistent and open with your children will set an excellent example for them to follow.
Also read:
Ejipura eviction: People treated like dogs and thrown out of houses
Ejipura: “How many malls do Bangaloreans need?”
Read With Me: 10 Books for Children That Teach Diversity
